whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
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Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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