my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
