What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
