i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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