I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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