it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
