4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
