Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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