no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
