Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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