go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
