walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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