My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
