i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
