So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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