I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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