where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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