I'm jealous of your bromance
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
