and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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