Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
