Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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