I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
