I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
