Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
