Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
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Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
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He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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