i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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