don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
