I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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