Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
