just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
