Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
