I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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