You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
