pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
