Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
