i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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