what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
