I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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