Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
