I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
