i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
