Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I need water and some morals
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
