were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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