If that was your dad, he is hot
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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