Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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