well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
birth control should be required to get into college
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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