Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
