well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
