ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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