There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You pole danced in your parka.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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