alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I would ride that face into the sunset
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.