things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
