Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
