I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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