Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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