If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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