he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
