i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
