if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
