I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
