i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
