The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
