she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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