she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
