Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
