So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
