I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
do herpes really smell.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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